Interview with Kaolin: The Challenge in Getting ‘Unstuck’

Get your copy of Kaolin's acclaimed book at http://ltar.biz

This interview series brings activists, writers and thought leaders to help shed light on the daunting conversation. The aim is to help those of us struggling to understand or do something with our position of privilege.   

Interview by Paul Russell

Kaolin is a native Brooklynite who now resides in Massachusetts. She is the celebrated author of ‘Talking About Race: A Workbook About White People Fostering Racial Equality in Their Lives’. In addition to being an acclaimed author, she is a mother, teacher, a social worker, performer, consultant, and activist. Content of Character humbly thanks Kaolin for taking time out of her efforts to have this conversation.

CofC: Racism is always a hot-button topic. The word itself is often hijacked to demonize those who are your perceived opposition and generate provocative headlines for media sales. Most of us agree that people should be recognized for the content of our character but that’s simply not the world we live in. What are the struggles you’ve face, working in anti-racism?

Kaolin: Hi Paul, racism certainly is a “hot-button topic”. People, White people specifically, seem to be uncertain about what racism actually is, so the media is at liberty to sensationalize racism with bazaar interpretations of it; or by dismissing it altogether, as if it doesn’t exist anymore. But we know better. It is as important to define racism for yourself as it is to “own” it but there are many distractions as one begins that process; and many contradictions within that process. The more you claim your active relationship with racism by virtue of being White, the more challenges regarding your true identity will take place. People see you differently and an identity crisis often follows. I believe people get that before they step in to this work. And fear of undergoing change detracts people from fostering racial equality in their lives.

There have been several struggles I have faced while working on anti-racism. The most important one is apathy. Due to the recession/depression, people are in a lot of pain and confusion about values. I hear it in their voices. They speak openly about it. This pain and confusion serves as a repellant toward the admission of white privilege, which still exists. Those who never thought they would lose their jobs, have lost their jobs. Many who never thought they’d lose their homes have lost their homes. When younger generations look toward the future they do so with trepidation. When people are suffering it is a challenge to take on our history, so apathy settles in and that would be the deterrent to working on racial equality in these times.

How does one work for others when they can barely face their own lives? And yet one does. And many always have. When you see how you can do this work, you start to believe that you can. That your own survival needs mustn’t necessarily interfere in your race work. That is why I wrote my book. I wanted the reader to see the solutions, the ways in which individual awareness leads to recognition and freedom when one sees what needs to be done and does it.

The second struggle has been connected to shame. Many say they care about racism. But they are angry that they need to. It is a dreaded subject to navigate one’s way through because shame is a part of it. The Jim Crow laws are a necessary part of our exploration. One needs to acknowledge the historic influences of racial inequality in this country specifically. When one does understand that, there is shame. With shame you always find guilt, a guilt that needs to be addressed and analyzed before it can be transformed into the work that will make a difference in all of our lives. So, I would have to say that it is the work, the daily work of self-realization within the racist context we find ourselves in, that poses the biggest hurdle. Once you pass through it however, you do begin to make peace with the struggle and appreciate what can be done and the essence of change working toward racial equality creates within you.

CofC: You discuss the inspirations behind writing, ‘Talking About Race’. One aspect is your aim to disarm the hatred and educate the naive of ‘your people’. What do you hope readers and students will walk away with, having completed your book’s curriculum?

Kaolin: I hope readers and students can experience an elevated self-esteem. Many White people who care about racism but have not found ways to resist it have low self-esteem. It can lead to depression. After all, many of us are idealists. When we do not know how to put our ideals into action an inversion takes place, a sense of worthlessness. I’d like students and readers to be convinced of their worth in tackling the racism they see in their lives today. I’d also like them to have faith in the outcome of their efforts.

CofC: My observation is that folks who benefit from their privilege are typically oblivious to their advantages. This blindness generates skepticism and resentment when entering a dialogue about how we unintentionally reinforcing these privileges. I know many White folks who support precepts of multi-culturalism, but when conversations about race arise, they clam up for fear of potential offense.

Kaolin: Oh absolutely! This happens all the time. Supporting multi-culturalism touches only one layer of the work on racism one must do. It is packaged to appeal to many. It is an important layer, but not adequate. Racism is violence. It is a violent assault of people of color. When one peels that fact away, to make it easier to get through to many it won’t work. The core problems are greed. Racism feeds greed. Racial equality implies loss, that there won’t be enough for Whites; that Whites are giving something away.

White privilege is a bazaar perversion of power in all of our lives. Owning the truth of its violence upon others and the delusions it feeds on White conscience about White’s value over POC is the core problem. It needs to be dealt with honestly in order to extricate oneself from it. Otherwise we hang on; we try to be nice and fair while we hold on to our privilege, It does not work. It cannot possibly work. One needs to understand that we are all equal. If the concept of equality repels you, then you have a problem with racial equality. If you have a problem with it that you
have chosen to ignore; or, refuse to work on, than like it or not, you are a racist. And no matter how many “multi-cultural” courses you might take there will be no advancing or healing from that problem.

CofC: You discuss the required tools individuals will need in developing racial consciousness: 1) humility and 2) a suspension of judgment. There’s a challenge for anyone to put themselves in that space, particularly when there’s a likelihood of trauma to someone’s identity in a ‘you gotta be you’ culture. What helps move skeptics into a safe space where they’re confident they’ll come out the other side, in tact?

Kaolin: Great question! The process itself is the answer: The unfolding of the Self within the context of the racism you have inherited and have been subjected to. Why? Because going through the process of reading and writing in the book will assure you the greatest freedom. Transformation is key to this journey. It is liberation from “not knowing” what to do. It is an affirmation about your worth and an invitation to examine the obstacles that have distressed you or frightened you. Racism frightens us. No one wants to be subjected to it. And until we are certain that no one will be, we are stuck in its affect upon us ourselves. My book is about getting unstuck. It is about freedom!

CofC: The revelations of my position of privilege (and the simultaneous deep, emotional sting) are frequent and subtle. Recently, I caught myself walking into a bodega, late at night. I smiled and nodded to the single employee. He breathed a sigh of relief from the illusion of safety my whiteness represented. I was complicit in playing into this stereotype and securing my ability to walk around the store without being followed. Can you share a story from your progress in anti-racist reflections, when you became acutely aware of your own privilege?

Kaolin: Hmm … “deep, emotional sting” “the illusion of safety my whiteness represented” … yes I can. We are all complicit though. It is part of our privilege. We cannot change the color of our skin. As long as racism exists this will be a part of our pain/guilt/self-consciousness.

I became aware of my own privilege when I was twenty-six years old. I became aware of it first through people’s impression of me. White people expected me to remain “grateful” for my privilege when I queried them about it while friends of color encouraged me to work through it. So, I seemed to be on the opposite side of the fence.

One stunningly vivid memory comes across about when I first became acutely aware of my privilege. It was a situation in which myself and a friend of color had to go for legal assistance, to settle a financial matter.

We were joined at the hip about the solution. The lawyer saw us together. She was White. At an odd moment within the course of the conversation about the case, she asked me to join her in another room. I was startled, (we both were. My friend and I were taken aback but it never occurred to either one of us that I shouldn’t go.) and so I went.

The lawyer winked at me and said, “You know, there is something else you could do here and you would end up with a lot more money.” It felt all wrong but I didn’t quite get what she was talking about. I asked her what she meant, why wasn’t my friend who was a part of this invited to discuss this as well? She looked at me again, and said “No! Of course she would not be. I can be sure you get more out of this than she would.” I said, “Why? Why would I want more than she’d get?” The lawyer looked startled. Then I got it. It was racism.

It was so odd. I said “No!” and left that room. After years of racism, I finally connected the dots in that strange situation: The assumption of White complicity on the lawyers part. The “invite” to a room in which I was considered her equal while my friend of color was left in the other room. The role money might play in this had I agreed to it. The look on the lawyers face when I got it and said “No!”

And the sad work of informing my friend about what took place, without her knowledge. And the fact that to the lawyer, she did not matter, except in the context of being used. It was all odd. Perversions of power are always odd.

CofC: Since the 2008 presidential election, we’ve heard the phrase ‘post-racial America’ tossed around. Exceptionalism of a few prominent African Americans seems less indicative of how far we’ve come and more representative how far we have to go. In your book, you talk about individuals developing racial maturity. What are your thoughts around racial development, as it pertains to our progress on a national scale?

Kaolin: Well, we have not arrived at that point yet, sadly and tragically not, for now we are like toddlers who’ve just learned how to crawl together. Although, there have been some sublime moments of heightened sensitivity and hope. The underlying problem that keeps us restricted is the fact that as a collective on a national scale, there will be no real progress without individuals groping with what racism has done to them. Without that analysis and the awareness of its harmfulness people will fluctuate in their commitment because they do not really understand what their investment really is with regard to their own efforts to change things.

The value of being fully invested in the outcome cannot be undermined. It cannot only be what one does for others; It must be what one is doing for oneself because fostering racial equality in your own circle, your own life is a must. Racial equality demands honesty.

CofC: I was fortunate to have an extraordinary teacher who escorted me onto the path of creating a more equal society through recognizing my own behaviors and inaction in maintaining my privilege. However, she wasn’t terribly helpful in advising what I should do with this newfound knowledge empowerment. What advice can you offer folks who are sensitized to the dilemma but clueless about what to do next?

Kaolin: Knowing what to do with this “newfound knowledge empowerment” is crucial. I’d say talk about it. Talk to friends, family, co-workers about it. Bring it up. Silence is a killer. It can put you to sleep. Let people know you woke up! Then make sure you are in a circle of people who care about this. Create or join a group who demonstrates work on racial equality.

Read. Start a book club with books that deal with this subject. Go to your temple, church and let them know your views on this subject. Ask that it be incorporated into the community dialogue. Be sure you are aware of how your children are absorbing others views on this subject. Write about it!

CofC: Any last thoughts you’d like to share with Content of Character readers?

Kaolin: Yes. Keep a journal about your work on this subject. If you are an artist, paint about it, if you are a singer, sing songs about it. You have a voice so be sure to use it. Create a support group for yourself and others who get stuck and need positive reinforcement to stay with it. Content of Character is a wonderful resource. Thank you, Paul for your work on this subject and this opportunity to be a part of it.

Be sure to pick up a copy of Kaolin’s book, Talking About Race: A Workbook About White People Fostering Racial Equality in Their Lives’. You’ll reflect, learn, and 

Be sure to Like Content of Character on Facebook and follow Paul on twitter @Paul_Rssll.